We are the generation learning about parenting online. Social media is filled with parenting advocates and real-life stories that stop us in our tracks, forcing us to reflect on our own parenting journeys.

I recently watched a TikTok audio recorded by a teenage daughter, capturing her mother scolding her younger sibling over milk. The video was short, so I don’t have full context, but here’s what I gathered.

What happened

The mother made Rethabile breakfast – Kellogg’s – and asked her not to open another box of milk that day. After school, with her mother at work, Rethabile helped herself to more Kellogg’s and allegedly opened a new box of milk.

When her mother returned, she was furious. Rethabile lied about what she ate and denied opening the new box. The defence sounded urgent – as if life or death depended on it. The situation escalated rapidly: voices were raised, insults flew, and Rethabile was addressed as though she were a stranger. At one point, the mother said, “Every dog will see where it eats” – referring to her children and threatening to not buy milk nor bread ever again.

Eventually, Rethabile admitted she had eaten Kellogg’s but insisted she had not opened the milk. The mother continued berating her, stating the issue was Rethabile thinking she was an adult woman who “knew better.” Rethabile broke down in tears.

For context, watch the video here.

Parenting triggers are inevitable

The video was deeply triggering, but it also offered lessons:

  • Triggers happen to every parent. What matters is how we respond, not react. Reacting allows anger and frustration to dictate our actions.

  • Children will break rules. How we teach consequences shapes their learning. In this case, fear was instilled rather than understanding. Responding calmly and respectfully allows children to internalise lessons without trauma.

Conscious Parenting: How parenting is a call for healing for parents

Why this is abusive

The comments revealed something disturbing: many viewers normalised the mother’s behaviour. That interaction lacked basic human decency. The child spoken to in ways adults wouldn’t tolerate.

This is emotional, verbal and even psychological abuse. It’s using the power of parenting to degrade and control a vulnerable human being. Fear-based parenting punishes and controls, rather than guiding with unconditional love.

Here are some definition of this kind of abuse.

Emotional abuse

Emotional abuse is when someone consistently makes you feel small, unworthy, or unsafe in your own feelings. It’s not always loud – sometimes it’s the silent treatment, withholding affection, guilt-tripping, shame, or constantly dismissing your emotions.

It’s what happens when love turns into control, and connection is replaced with fear. Emotional abuse chips away at your sense of self and teaches you to survive instead of feel seen.

Verbal abuse

Verbal abuse is when words are used as weapons. It’s shouting, name-calling, humiliation, threats, insults, or using “discipline” as an excuse to tear someone down.

It doesn’t matter if it’s said in the heat of the moment or “because I’m your parent” – when words cut, degrade, or scare, that’s abuse. Children deserve guidance, not verbal warfare dressed up as love.

Parenting through curiosity, not control

Why this matters in parenting

Kids don’t have the emotional tools, language, or freedom to walk away from emotional or verbal, abuse – especially when it comes from the people they rely on for safety.

Parenting power is sacred. We can’t use it to crush spirits and then call it love. Real discipline builds character; fear only builds trauma.

Empathy without excuse

I empathise with the mother. Raising children in today’s economy is challenging, especially for single parents. Many assumed she was trying to make milk last the month, and that children were being wasteful. I understand that as a mother of two.

But teaching the value of things does not require disrespect. Disrespecting children and expecting respect in return simply doesn’t work. How we respond – through patience, calm, and respect – shapes whether children grow up fearful or understanding.

Takeaway

Parenting is hard. Triggers are inevitable. But how we respond matters more than the triggers themselves. When we communicate with love, empathy, and respect, children learn lessons without fear.